Mamas Matter

Since becoming a Mother to my little boy in 2017 and subsequently having another baby within 18 months my whole life has changed dramatically.

This is not a surprise. Obviously you know that having kids will be the most life- changing thing you will do. What you don’t know, however, is the reality of this. That is to say, intellectually ‘getting something’ and really understanding or “knowing”, are completely different things.

You can read as many pregnancy and parenting books as you like, you can follow the most inspiring Mothers on Instagram, you may even have the most incredible Mother figures to look up to- but really nothing can fully prepare you for the real deal.

This is because it is such an individual and ever changing journey. One that you cannot possibly prepare yourself for as you do not know how you will feel.

In fact, as humans we are nature beings- ebbing and flowing with the seasons and elemental changes. Women especially due to their menstrual cycle and hormonal fluctuations can be feeling very different from one day to the next. Unfortunately, in my opinion, our society is not geared up for this- or even discussing it enough.

Instead our modern world is one that celebrates busyness and ‘doing’ as opposed to living in a more relaxed, flowing state. We are called human BEINGS for a reason.

When this sort of pressure is applied to Motherhood- on top of the comparison epidemic that social media seems to have us all under- there is no wonder that mental health, post natal depression and anxiety is on the increase.

So with the ‘me too’ movement as well as the rise of the word matrescence I believe we are opening up this discussion and allowing Mothers to have a much needed voice. Dr Aurelie Athan (www.matrescence.com) is a pyschologist who specialises in studying the transition into motherhood. She says she is “reviving matrescence to provide a developmental framework for the transition to motherhood”.

You can find out more about her amazing work by listening to the wonderful podcast (and all the others on there) with Alison Barker- Mothering the Mother

The birth you have, I believe, also has a big impact on how you feel during those first tough months of becoming a Mother. Again this is something that planning cannot help with. Like me, and many Mothers I know who wanted a natural home birth and planned for this, you may find that the Universe has other ideas and instead interventions galore await.

So what can we do to stay grounded, trust our inner wisdom and find some calm amongst our Mothering journeys? Especially in those early days..

Here are my Top Tips:

1. Breathe- yes it sounds almost cliche these days but there are so many breaths that can instantly help us calm our nervous system that don’t need to take time. My favourite is the Sigh breath. Take a huge breath in through your nose right to the pit of your belly and breathe out a loud sigh from your mouth. Maybe repeat a couple of times- even focusing on gathering up stress and tension as you breathe in and blowing it ALL away as you breathe out. This actually send a signal to your parasympathetic nervous system (the opposite to your adrenaline fuelled fight or flight system) that it is time to relax.
2. Meditate- again there are so many ways to meditate. Like anything it may take practice and trial and error to find what works for you. One that works for me is; Sa, Ta, Na, Ma. Roughly translated this means Infinity, Life, Death, Rebirth. To do this sit quietly and take a few deep breaths. Touch index finger and thumb as you say Sa out loud. Next thumb and middle finger meet say Ta. Next thumb and ring finger- say Na. Finally chant Ma as thumb and little finger meet. Repeat as many times as needed to feel a sense of calm. This works well as you are physically occupied (with your fingers), and mentally stimulated with the mantra so the thoughts tend to subside easily.
3. Have a Bath- if you are able to have a bath (some people may not in which case I suggest a foot bath using a bowl) then this can be a simple way to get 20 minutes of self care to remember your worth. Using magnesium salts (most of the population are magnesium depleted and it has many benefits). Why not light a candle or two, put on some relaxing music or a guided meditation and try to switch your phone off.
4. Have a Social Media Detox. We are so reliant on our phones. Why wouldn’t we be- they do everything from telling us the weather to waking us up to being a lifeline to our friends and family. This is all good but if like many of us you feel you are too dependent upon this device it is good to take an occasional break- for a few hours or even a day if you can manage. Put it somewhere where you won’t be tempted to look at it. As well as getting a much needed detox from the radiation it emits (see here for links to devices that help take this away) it will also remind you on how to be present and come up with more natural ways with communicating with your family.
5. Practice some Gratitude. You can do this at any time of the day but as soon as you wake up- before you get up or last thing at night are perfect times. I used to keep a gratitude diary and write it before bed. I don’t have the time now with two little ones and am always SO tired when it comes to bedtime. I do always try and remember to list what I’m grateful for though as I’m drifting off to sleep. There are many more studies proving how beneficial expressing our thanks is for us- here’s an article from the Psychology Today journal https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/mindful-anger/201807/science-proves-gratitude-is-key-well-being

I hope that you may be able to implement one or two of these practices into your daily Mothering life to assist you in feeling more centred. Please know how AMAZING you are.